identity crisis

Who am I?

A couple of things have been going on recently. The first seemingly innocuous. I met up with Vox to start sorting out a pension. As I’m about to hit the third decade (although technically i’m already in it) its time to think wisely about the future. Part of me did think, im getting a pension, that’s me sorted, the future is secure. In my mind my security was being placed more in finance than God, it was my attitude and the placing of my security there that is the issue, not the fact i’m being sensible.

Secondly and perhaps more importantly I changed job over the summer, well changed role within the same organisation (or movement to change the world as i like to think of it). As the newness wore off after a couple of months, I’ve been experiencing a sense of loss. The loss of some of the things I’ve been doing over the last seven years, a quarter of my life so far. The relationships I had built. The feeling of being needed by the students I was working with. Many of the parts of that role fitted with who I am and gave me expression of those gifts, skills and abilities. The time was right for a change but I loved what I was involved in. Perhaps my identity became wrapped up in my role, so as I changed role, as a new season in life comes, I have begun to question who I am. Had I become what I was doing – was my identity defined by what I was doing as opposed to who I was? As I explore new avenues I am feeling that sense of loss but it has also made me question whether my identity had become based on my doing as opposed to being? Maybe this time is a time for a rebuilding of proper foundations, of being as opposed to being defined by doing…How much of our doing is an expression of our  being and where does the balance lie?

The line of an old prayer I have used often, and seemed particularly relevant came back to me:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.
Deliver me Jesus….
…from the desire of being of being consulted….

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6 thoughts on “identity crisis”

  1. I hear ya. I think we are as much made to be do-ers as be-ers. We are designed to work and in that find ‘part’ of our dignity. What comes first? said the chicken to the egg. Dunno. Often we need to rediscover our centre, our identity before we have the energy to give to our work; in other cases we ‘do’ and work and discover something about ourselves in the heart of the task.

    What am I waffling about? 😉

  2. You just reminded me of how a friend from SM challenged me this year..just days after the event added. I was talking about my job and how (at the time) I was debating about whether or not to leave my job. It took me a few more months to finally find other work and actually leave. My friend asked me if I was finding value in myself through how I was treated at my job. I was saying how I didn’t feel appreciated my management for what I did, but I really enjoyed most of the work I did. But I said how it would be nice to hear that I was doing a good job once in a while. This brought about the point that I was seeking affirmation through my job. And he also reminded me that I am replaceable at my job. That struck me! Oh, well….ouch..yes I have to admit I am. Anyone could come in and do this job. God is the one who is supposed to affirm me as well as other believers. Sorry, my point is, no matter what your job, God created you to be His light. Don’t forget all those people you won’t know til Heaven, how you were a blessing to, and now you have new opportunities to be a light to others! Plus you have the added bonus of a new challenge.

  3. behold salvation lies in our jobs! apparently.

    a wee spell on the dole just might do us/me the world of good sometimes.

  4. I noticed your blog and it hit a chord…i recently started a new job and due to the initial commitments that it required, I have to temporarily stand back from the christian work I was involved in as I couldn’t give my full commitment. The Lord has used this greatly…you know in Ecclesiates where it says there is a time for everything??? I feel that in my case the Lord has used this as a time for growing in my faith – that I do not have an identity in what I do necessarily but rather that my identity is in Christ. Because of this, I have found it easier to carry my faith with me in my new job as it is not equated with work but rather with the clay that the Lord is beginning to shape. I was really unsettled at the start of all this however now I see it a challange in getting to know more af Christ and taking that relationship with me whereever the Lord leads so that He may use me. And thats only about me – since I have had to stand back, two new younger people have started training in the areas I worked in and are truely on fire with hope and ideas for the future. I believe the Lords timing is perfect in all these things – that we do not grow complacent but rather that we face our daily challanges and get to know Him more so that we may continue to have a freshness of spirit to share with others that He puts in our lives.

  5. ive only just stumbled across this post…must have missed it first time round…

    really strikes a chord with me at the minute this. can really identify with what you’ve said. thanks…

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